80 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts
by JellyBean404
Summary: I know theres a billion of these but i wanted to make one and i din t see any other ones with these. R&R! Good for a quick laugh.


**80 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts**

***I know there's a million and two of these on FanFiction but I really, really, really, really wanted to write one of my own.**

**So enjoy! :) **

**Warning: Extreme stupidness. **

**1. **I will not refer to a hippogryph as "Horseybird".

**2. **I will not draw an H on Percy Weasley`s forehead.

**3. **Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.

**4. **I am not allowed to call Umbridge "The Queen of Toads".

**5. -**Even if she really is.

**6.** I will not "barrow" a prefects` badge for Peeves.

**7.** I am no longer allowed in the student laundry.

**8.** -Or the teacher laundry.

**9.** -Nor am I ever allowed to cast an invisibility charm again.

**10.** I will not replace Madam Pomfrey`s Skele-Grow with pumpkin juice.

**11.** -I will not replace professor Snape`s pumpkin juice with Skele-Grow.

**12.** -It was not an honest mistake.

**13.** Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled Firewhisky.

**14.** -Charming the label does not change anything.

**15.** I am not allowed to eat chocolate frogs in potions class.

**16.** -Even if I have enough for everyone.

**17.** -Emptying a bag full of them onto professor Snape`s desk to prove it is unacceptable behavior.

**18.** First years are not to be feed to fluffy.

**19.** I am not authorized to sell incriminating pictures of faculty to students.

**20.** -Giving away the same pictures free of charge is also frowned upon.

**21.** I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot.

**22.** I am not to threaten Rita Skeeter with a can of raid.

**23.** It is inappropriate to refer to DADA teachers as "canaries in a coal mine".

**24.** I will not ask professor Sprout where the jolly green giant is.

**25.** When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, it should not put down Fred and George Weasley as my greatest influence.

**26.** -Voldemort is probably not best either.

**27.** Professor McGonagall does not have an inappropriate relationship with Mrs. Norris.

**28.** Professor Flitwick has heard all the "Swish and Flick" jokes before and is very, very tired of them.

**29.** First year Slytherin and Gryffindor students are not to be used as Christmas decorations.

**30.** I am no longer allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.

**31.** I am never allowed to use the spell used to enchant bludgers on peas.

**32.** -Or tomatoes, oranges, plums, watermelons, or any kind of food item.

**33.** Portable swamps are not funny.

**34.** Mrs. Norris does not like playing with blast-ended skrewts.

**35.** -Neither does McGonagall.

**36.** No part of the school uniform is edible.

**37.** -I am not allowed to make any part of the school uniform edible.

**38.** Singing 99 bottle of potions on the wall repeatedly will result in a detention.

**39.** I am not allowed to sell students tickets to get into the chamber of secrets.

**40.** -Especially if it is a one-way ticket.

**41.** Throwing fanged Frisbees in the great hall is not allowed.

**42.** I will not say that Harry Potter's godfather has "taken the veil".

**43.** It does not matter if Fudge is going on vacation; I will not comment on how the Minister of Magic is "packing".

**44.** I am not allowed to hit bludgers at spectators.

**45.** Or the referee.

**46.** The house elves are not there to do my homework.

**47.** Neither are the ghosts.

**48.** The four houses are not the Morons, Borons, the Smartasses and the Junior Death Eaters.

**49.** Professor Snape`s problem is not that "he needs to get laid".

**50.** Robes are acceptable school wear.

**51.** -Bathrobes are not.

**52.** Cornelius Fudge does not enjoy being called "Fudgie the Whale".

**53.** I will not use the marauders map for stalking purposes.

**55.** Yelling "Accio Dobby" is not the proper way to get house elf assistance.

**56.** I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.

**57.** It is mean to scare first years by yelling "I'm melting! I'm meeeeeeeltiiiiiiiiing." while they are in the showers.

**58.** I will not start a rumor saying that professor Snape sings "I'm too sexy for my robes" while in the shower.

**59.** I need to stop telling the first years about the time the Hogwarts Christmas tree ate a student.

**60.** Professor Snape is not a vampire.

**61.** -Therefore I should stop throwing garlic at him.

**62.** Calling Voldemort "Baldemort" is never a good idea.

**63.** Arthur Weasley`s flying car is not to be taken apart piece by piece and put back together in Snape`s classroom.

**64.** Asking professor Snape if a house ever fell on his sister is wrong.

**65.** I will not sing the "Beverly Hillbillies" theme song when the Weasley family passes by.

**66.** Or the "Hee-Haw" theme song.

**67.** Or "Eight is Enough".

**68.** I will not offer professor McGonagall lasagna.

**69.** The song "Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.

**70.** I am not allowed to dance naked in the great hall.

**71.** -Or on the grounds.

**72.** -Generally, dancing naked is wrong.

**73.** Draco Malfoy does no appreciate being called "Ferret Boy"

**74.** -Or "Blond Boy Wonder"

**75.** Bungee jumping off the astronomy tower is against the rules even if it is not written anywhere.

**76. **I am not allowed to refer to Dumbledore as "The old guy in a dress".

**77. **I will not go to class Skyclad.

**78. **It is not appropriate to trade first years between houses.

**79. **Using the "Petrificus Totslus" curse on Draco Malfoy and dumping him in the Gryffindor common room as a Christmas present to the house means you should watch your back until June.

**80. **–Especially if the Weasley twins were staying over break.

**Kind of stupid I know but I was in a funny mood and wanted to post something.**

**Review and tell me how it was! :)**


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